Even In Dreams

Lately I've been getting close to being able to lucid dream, the ability to recognize you are in a dream and then do what ever you want in them.  But this hasn't happened through any effort of my own, during my dreams I inexplicably just become aware that I am in a dream and then shortly afterwards I wake up.  I never even get to try any of the "tells" that I'm in a dream: looking at a clock/ reading and seeing gibberish or trying to turn lights on and off and nothing happening etc.  Which might be a good thing because I sleep too much to avoid waking life as it is and if I figure out how to lucid dream I might try and spend all my time trying to do that, which probably isn't healthy. 

Often when I'm awake I also feel like I'm dreaming or in a movie.  This occurs in two ways, when there is really dramatic lighting at night I feel like the situation I was in is too eerie and visually interesting to actually be real.  The other way this happens is when I disassociate.  I can't explain how this happens but the best way I can explain the feeling is like I'm watching everything on a small television set that is on the other side of a very dark room.  I also am unable to connect with anyone and I become very withdrawn.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about when this happens to me.  It can be kind of fun because I feel as though nothing is real and I can see the world for how ridiculous it really is, I can get pretty silly during these times because I just laugh at everything.  Other times, it is just annoying because I'm like, "I don't have time for this right now."  But often times, it can be saddening because I become very isolated within myself.  I get very nihilistic when I disassociate, because nothing feels real so I feel like nothing matters.

Disassociating in combination with the fact that I day dream a lot about having conversations with people I know make it hard for me to distinguish between what happened and what I'm imagining.  So my life becomes in a way a series of dreams.  Which I haven't found to be an entirely bad thing yet.

I don't know what I'm trying to figure out right now... is it which is better living in dreams or feeling like I'm living in a dream?  That makes sense I guess.  I don't know.  I don't have an answer to which I'd prefer.  I think I'll stick with being awake.  Because that's the one I have a little more grasp on.  That's not the best reasoning for making a decision but it's the only one that makes any kind of rational sense.