I feel like I've been questioning lately, like the past day or two, if I really love my girlfriend. I am trying to figure out if I'm just scared of the commitment I'm making to her or if I'm scared of having these feelings for another person and telling them because the last time I did that things became devastating in the end and I'm afraid of being hurt again. These feelings I know if I dwell on them will become a self fulfilling prophecy and I'll hate myself for ruining things. I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain that often comes with love and I know I'm not alone. Maybe I'm also scared because there are things I see similar between the two and in my head I worry about confusing the two. I want to talk to a therapist about my potential unresolved feelings but I don't have the time so I'm stuck writing it to the world wide web. This is why I have a blog.
Maybe I've just been listening to too much Andrew Jackson Jihad and Neutral Milk Hotel which always makes me sad and I think I really disappointed my girlfriend tonight and I'm hating myself a little.
Maybe I'm too self involved and I'm just a fucking asshole.
Well that sounds really reasonable.
I do love Sarah, because she makes me really happy and I like making her happy and I wish that she was laying in bed next to me and I wasn't up in the middle of the night fucking bitching on my fucking blog which nobody reads.
