I feel like I've been questioning lately, like the past day or two, if I really love my girlfriend. I am trying to figure out if I'm just scared of the commitment I'm making to her or if I'm scared of having these feelings for another person and telling them because the last time I did that things became devastating in the end and I'm afraid of being hurt again. These feelings I know if I dwell on them will become a self fulfilling prophecy and I'll hate myself for ruining things. I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain that often comes with love and I know I'm not alone. Maybe I'm also scared because there are things I see similar between the two and in my head I worry about confusing the two. I want to talk to a therapist about my potential unresolved feelings but I don't have the time so I'm stuck writing it to the world wide web. This is why I have a blog.
Maybe I've just been listening to too much Andrew Jackson Jihad and Neutral Milk Hotel which always makes me sad and I think I really disappointed my girlfriend tonight and I'm hating myself a little.
Maybe I'm too self involved and I'm just a fucking asshole.
Well that sounds really reasonable.
I do love Sarah, because she makes me really happy and I like making her happy and I wish that she was laying in bed next to me and I wasn't up in the middle of the night fucking bitching on my fucking blog which nobody reads.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Being A Jerk
One of the things which annoys me the most on T.V., facebook, around the internet, and even something my college professors used to do is say how stupid it is to believe in God. Now am by no means a believer, nor am I even an agnostic. I am somewhere between an existentialist and a nihilist (usually landing somewhere around absurdism) and I still think that believing in some form of a higher power is a completely valid hypothesis. I also encourage for scientists to theorize, test, and study their results to try and discover an alternative.
What inspired me to write about this was a meme on a friends Facebook wall which said "Science disproves something in the Bible, suddenly it was always 'meant as a metaphor.'" This to me, is just insults thrown from the atheist crowd which does not show a non-existence of a god. All it shows is that religion and religious texts are created by people and that people are stupid BUT this does not mean believing in a god is stupid. It just means many atheists can be huge jerks when it comes to the topic of religion. Although science in a sense can also be viewed as a religion. I am speaking specifically about theoretical and quantum physics and astronomy because these are the fields which attempt to answer the same question religion does "How did we get here?" and "why?" But most of their theories are unproven and probably will not be proven for a long time so all they are going on right now is belief which makes it a quasi-religion in a sense. So, until there is evidence proving or disproving their theories I will (as with religion) choose not to believe in it.
On another note, if you reject time as a unit of measurement and as merely the social construct that it is, it also takes a lot away from their theories.
In conclusion, nothing exists.
Not really. I just like saying that.
What inspired me to write about this was a meme on a friends Facebook wall which said "Science disproves something in the Bible, suddenly it was always 'meant as a metaphor.'" This to me, is just insults thrown from the atheist crowd which does not show a non-existence of a god. All it shows is that religion and religious texts are created by people and that people are stupid BUT this does not mean believing in a god is stupid. It just means many atheists can be huge jerks when it comes to the topic of religion. Although science in a sense can also be viewed as a religion. I am speaking specifically about theoretical and quantum physics and astronomy because these are the fields which attempt to answer the same question religion does "How did we get here?" and "why?" But most of their theories are unproven and probably will not be proven for a long time so all they are going on right now is belief which makes it a quasi-religion in a sense. So, until there is evidence proving or disproving their theories I will (as with religion) choose not to believe in it.
On another note, if you reject time as a unit of measurement and as merely the social construct that it is, it also takes a lot away from their theories.
In conclusion, nothing exists.
Not really. I just like saying that.
Monday, January 9, 2012
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